I'm...Just...SO !@#$% CONFUSED!!!!

He's annoyed (?) about the circumstances we met on. But, hey!...Otherwise we'd never find out about the other's existence, would we had?
There's no way we'd have, since i depend on daylight in order to attend out-home activities, and considering we have no places in common...No, no way at all.
But why do I still consider him when he so obviously considers me unworthy of his time?!... Why?!
Am I just forcing the play? Should i just let him "be-be"? What would happen if i do?

Is he wanting me to do so, so he can start his old-fashioned flirting on me?

Is he wanting me to do so, so he can just "file me up"?

I refuse to be no more than just another mark on his bedpost!

Could it be more denigrant than that?!

...Oh! It could have been wonderful!

Maybe...

It's so unfair!

How is it possible that when i want to take off all the shyness, take all the ostracism away, i find someone who...I don't know...Is so old fashioned?

Maybe i should have said "No, wait..It's too soon", maybe i should have got a hold on the situation and selfishly used him up, 'cuz now it seems more than likely we'd never be in such a situation egain.

I know i can't push torwards it (world knows i'm the antitesis of sexy), and he doesn't seems to desire me anymore...

Maybe we should have sit on the bed and talked about it right there. I should have told him something like "I must tell you, i desire you, yet i have the impression that everything i do to you i'm doing it the wrong way. It makes me really nervous and i don't know how to go on...Would you help me out?"

Who knows? Maybe that would have avoided us a lot of misunderstandings and emotional bullshit.

I yearn for him...

I yearn for his kiss...
As tender and playful as mine was passionate.

His touch...
Such an expert hands... Make me wonder how many women have his fingers run onto in almost seven years... What an amazing learning curve he'd had!

His hair...
So pleasantly groomed and smooth. Makes me weak.
Terrible thing to look at him and stand how my fingertips burn wanting to dive in there!...Terrible thing, indeed.

Just one thing in his anatomy petrified me: His eyes.
So dragging and overwhelming they are!
It's like they make me look at them. And the instant i do, all my will goes down the toilet. I can't think... At all... The moment i look i'm his, body and soul.
And there's no salvation.
Little i can do to avoid it, except gathering the little will i may have left and look away. Defeated.

And I bet he's aware of his power over me... And he may even enjoy it!
Because he can read through me. Because when my will is gone i'm like an open book.

OH MY!... I HATE PSICOLOGY

Oh my...

I have the strongest belief that hanging out with him can bring so much to my life!

But... What can i ever bring to his? Is there something...Anything he's lacking of that I can provide?

I can't think of anything, and my pesimistic self says there's nothing useful i can give in return to what i may get; at least nothing he may want.

I cannot use him that way.

It's not the way i am.

Más que un simple dolor de cabeza

Fue lo que dedujo la neurologa cuando mi dolor paso de ser una migraña a una Cefalea tensional.
Tanto dolor por tanto tiempo no debería ocurrir, ni mucho menos por la respuesta que me han dando: depresión.

¿Tanta?¿En tal grado como para que me duela todos los días... todo el tiempo? ¿EN SERIO?

...Y yo que creia que las cosas estaban mejorando, que ya solo me tenía que preocupar por sobrevivir a mis maestros y sus oleadas de tareas y sus inexplicables explicaciones (¡valga la redundancia!).

A nadie le gusta que les digan sus verdades en la cara. Y francamente, luego de tamaña lista de razones (incleiblemente obvias para los ojos de algunos y no tanto para los de otros) por las que ELLA sabe y YO se que estoy deprimida solo se me antoja buscar un rincón tibiesito y oscuro en el que acurrucarme mientras todo mi antiguo convencimiento y determinacion se terminan de ir por el caño... Y tal vez, hacer algo de tarea.

Calculo Vectorial Para Dummies

Sería todo un sueño hecho realidad....*Suspiros*

A veces me pregunto como es posible que todos los matematicos, en especial los que se dignan en escribir libros, parecen tener la universal creencia de que quienes los leen tienen al menos la mitad, sino es que toda, la idea de que rayos fue lo que escribieron.

Enterense: La GRAN mayoría de sus infelices lectores son estudiantes, Y NO TIENEN NI LA MAS MINIMA IDEA de lo que les están intentando incrustar en el cerebro.

Y es que realmente la más que común frase "Le dejamos al lector las demostraciones pertinentes" ha hecho considerar a muchos un cambio inmediato de carrera.

En serio, es como si estuvieses viendo 300, justo en la batalla final, y en el momento mismo en el que empieza la pelea venga el director y corte toda la condenada escena y te salte a los creditos... Osea ¡¿Qué diablos pasó?!

Si tan solo huviese algún alma piadosa (Se vale soñar, no?) que escribiese libros de calculo para los estudiantes, y no para aquellos que ya se saben todo eso, y por lo tanto no los necesitan...

Queridos matemáticos: Recuerden cuando eran estudiantes y ese idioma de "paso a paso" que solían hablar. Todavía se habla.

(¡Y eso va especialmente para tí Pita Ruiz!)

Life goes on

Las cosas han mejorado ultimamente...
De momento mi mayor preocupación es sobrevivir el semestre.
Todo será muy agitado el proximo año.
...Espero que sea tan emocionante como parece...